‘That Andrea Leadsom sounds like a right f**king nightmare’, says Britain

THAT Andrea Leadsom, who wants to be prime minister, sounds like a total pain in the arse, it has been agreed.

In an interview with the leading Sunday newspaper for elderly xenophobes, Mrs Leadsom reveals that not only does she think she is the ‘new Thatcher’, but that she is also a ‘very committed Christian’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “And she made a fortune working in the City. So she’s a greedy, sociopathic god-botherer. What an absolute fucking beezer of a combination.”

He added: “On behalf of the country, I just want to thank the Conservative Party for offering such a dazzling array of candidates.

“Two half-baked Thatcher clones, an evil woodland troll, a Welsh Christian homophobe with an untrustworthy beard and the creepiest man in politics since Norman Tebbit.

“The Conservative Party hates Britain. If you can’t see that you shouldn’t be allowed to use a knife and fork.”


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Welsh success based on plucky team spirit and being extremely good at football

WALES made it to the Euro 16 semi-finals because of a plucky underdog mentality and the fact they are very good footballers, experts have claimed.

After Wales achieved a ‘stunning’ quarter final victory against Belgium, footballogists stressed it was not actually that stunning  because Wales are properly good at this.

Professor Wayne Hayes said: “If England had beaten Belgium it would not have been described as ‘stunning’. But – as the Welsh team has demonstrated consistently over the course of the tournament  – they are a much better football team than England.

“The English are really quite poor at football and the Welsh are really quite good. That’s the key difference.”

He added: “And now we have discovered that they are also better at football than Belgium. And we will soon discover if they are better at football than Portugal.

“And ultimately we will, of course, discover that they are not as good at football as Germany.”