ED MILIBAND’S former girlfriends are the key issue swaying floating voters in the general election. But who are the ex-lovers of this goggle-eyed North London pervert?
STEPHANIE FLANDERS, a Newsnight editor whose family owns the Flanders fields in Belgium where British soldiers were killed in World War One. Stephanie’s family collected a royalty for each death which she and Ed used to spend on expensive meals in Islington.
NIKKI HOLLIS, the dirty bike of Haverstock Comprehensive who would do it with anyone. According to friends, Ed hypocritically ditched his socialist principles by trading cigarettes for a hand-job.
EDWINA CURRIE, irresistible siren of Westminster who seduced Ed in the Strangers’ Bar using lines from The Graduate.
EMMELINE PANKHURST, dangerous Northern leftist who believed in the use of violence to subvert the democratic process.
LOUISE MILIBAND, wife of his brother David. Ed arranged for his brother to burst in on the two of them in flagrante on the very day Ed won the Labour leadership ballot, in a calculated double betrayal that would leave his hated brother a broken man.
SCARLETT JOHANSSON, who Ed callously led to believe he had fallen for, slept with and then left without ever calling back.
EUROPE, who Ed is deeply in love with and lavishes with expensive gifts, promising that she will one day have Britain as her plaything.