Monday, 8th March 2021

'The time for criticising our handling of the pandemic has passed'

THE prime minister has informed Britain that now the virus is beaten, the country must draw a line under any further scrutiny of his actions.

Following the unveiling of his four-step roadmap, the Prime Minister announced that the window of opportunity for holding the government to account has expired and we must instead focus on vaccines.

Ruffling his hair, Johnson said: “Ideally I would have been taken to task in around April last year, but I was very ill and everyone was tired out by Joe Wicks.

“May was not the time, by June we were on the road back to normal so nobody wanted to dwell on that stuff, and any attempts to be critical in the autumn were distasteful party politics of exactly the kind Britain’s sick to death of.

“And as we move into spring it’s time to let bygones be bygones. Nobody’s perfect, and my blustering, buffoonish charm is why you voted me in with a landslide majority in the first place.

“It’s a shame really. What with our mishandling of care homes, constant dithering delays, misguided boosterism, dodgy PPE, promotion of herd immunity and that whole Cummings thing, there were valid concerns. You should have voiced them.

“But it’s too late, the time’s passed, any criticism now is out of step with what the British people – the real British people – think, and it’s time to get back to the normality of unanimously backing Brexit which we’ve all sorely missed.”

Leader of the Opposition Sir Keir Starmer said: “I entirely agree.”