Things probably shit enough to make me look okay, reckons Blair

TONY Blair believes there may be a role for him in UK politics as long as things remain shit enough to detract from his faults. 

The former prime minister said: “Since both sides seem to be massively fucking up, I feel emboldened to consider helping out.

“Maybe there’s a job where I can keep telling people ‘I told you so’ and then gurning a little bit.”

But Blair stressed he will not remain in any political position long enough for the public to notice.

He added: “Basically I’ll do what I think is right until it all gets too awkward. Probably midway through my first morning.”

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And we were so close to voting for Trump, say women

WOMEN voters in the US have admitted that Donald Trump has really let them down.

Following the release of audio in which the Republican candidate admits to being a serial sex offender, women said they were shocked and saddened by someone they regarded as a feminist icon.

Anne Logan, from Cleveland, said: “Like everyone else I assumed he was someone who understood and respected women.

“His comments about a female journalist having her period was a bold defence of feminism and his comment about being sexually attracted to his own daughter was all about empowerment.

“So yes, I am very surprised to discover that he is also a monstrous sex offender.”

Sandra Young, from Denver, added: “I may still vote for him, but only because his apology was so humble and genuine.”