THE Conservatives have confirmed they will continue to eat each other until only one giant, bloated Tory remains.
The party rejected a call from Theresa May to stop fighting, agreeing that it is not the Tory way and their feeding frenzy must now continue to its logical conclusion.
Julian Cook, MP for Wiltshire North, said: “We’ve tried doing it their way. We let May float to the top even though she was pale and weak with no venom in her smile.
“Now we’re doing it properly. It’s every Conservative for himself. We are feral and we are ready.”
He added: “Brexiter is consuming Brexiter, Remainer consuming Remainer, the wets are feasting on the hardliners and the middle class on the aristocrats. It’s nature red in tooth and claw, and it is glorious.
“When the gore finally clears, when the last parasitical special adviser has darted back to the safety of a PR consultancy, a single vast, engorged Tory will be left as the country’s rightful ruler.
“Attenborough’s filming it for the BBC.”