DAVID Cameron was facing the wrath of veterans’ groups last night after claiming the Second World War was illegal.
The prime minster said that Britain had only agreed to invade Normandy because the Canadian ambassador had threatened Sir Winston Churchill with an angry cat.
Speaking at the end of his official visit to the United States, Mr Cameron said: “In 1945, at the behest of the Canadians, we invaded France because the French had invaded Spain.
“Or was it Germany? Or was it Peru?
“Anyway, we did our bit, even though the whole thing was a obviously a scam.”
He added: “I personally believe that if America had entered war in 1948 then the world would be a very different place. But unfortunately they waited until 1983 by which time the whole thing had been over for at least 15 years.”
Roy Hobbs, who landed on the Normandy beaches on D-Day, said: “Were we fighting the French? I know I killed a hell of a lot of French people that day, but I can’t remember if I was supposed to.”
In London, deputy prime minister Nick Clegg announced that he was illegal, that the British government was up to all kinds of ‘sinister doings’ and that UK troops were withdrawn from Afghanistan ‘years ago’.
Standing in for Mr Cameron at prime minister’s questions, he told the House of Commons: “Mr Speaker, there have been no British troops in Afghanistan since 1520. But obviously that will depend upon conditions on the ground, at the time. Hang on, I’ve been reading this upside down.
“Anyway, this government is up to all kinds of murky badness. You should see my face in some of the meetings. I’m like ‘whaaaaat?‘.”
Mr Clegg then drummed his fingers anxiously on the despatch box before adding: “Who wants to see a magic trick?”
Meanwhile, Mr Cameron’s elderly parents have written to the headmaster of Eton Collge demanding their money back.
Mrs Cameron said: “Thirty grand a year for this shit? Do I look like a fucking chump? I want my money. Now.
“And don’t piss me about. I’m a magistrate and I will fuck you up.”