MIDDLE-CLASS cocaine users targeted by the government have politely reminded them that they vote in every election and usually swing Tory.
After home secretary Sajid Javid announced a crackdown on well-heeled recreational drug users, well-off people with permanent colds said they felt disappointed and betrayed.
Julian Cook of Solihull said: “He doesn’t mean me, does he? He does? Oh, Sajid.
“It’s just that I pay attention to politics, you see, unlike all those working-class people you’re always demonising so freely, and I’m afraid this could very well influence things in the polling booth.
“You’re making me into a criminal for a few grams of gak? Delivered by a very nice man in an Audi who admired the Emin print hanging in the hall?
“Corbyn would never say anything against us, even if it is only because he believes in providing an income stream to South American socialist governments. Easy decision.”
Conservative chair Brandon Lewis said: “So in a stroke that’s lost us Knightsbridge, Harrogate, Putney, Henley, Richmond and the Cotswolds. Fucking well done.”