Queen would've loved this

HER Majesty, who passed away last month, would have gotten a massive kick out of watching the current political turmoil, it has been confirmed.

Watching political parties implode in real time was second only to horses in the Queen’s affections and she would have had a right laugh at the drama that unfolded in the House of Commons yesterday.

Royal insider Sir Julian Cook said: “In public she would’ve just cooed something non-committal like ‘I see’ or ‘how interesting’. But behind closed doors she would’ve been cackling her arse off.

“Her schedule would be cleared, the servants would bring a nice bottle of sherry up from the cellar, and she’d settle down for a night being glued to the news and Twitter like the rest of us. She’d be making jokes even Philip would have thought were a bit much.

“After appointing Liz Truss as prime minister the Queen whispered to me ‘I give her two months, max’ and how right she was. I just wish she was still with us to watch it all go to shit.”

A visitor at the King George VI Memorial Chapel said: “I could’ve sworn I heard a chuckle coming from beneath the Queen’s gravestone. Must be the wind.”

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Cyclist infuriates driver by trying not to get run over

A DRIVER has been left enraged by a cyclist’s repeated efforts to avoid getting hit by his car, it has emerged.

Joe Turner was riding his bike to work when he made several cautious manoeuvres in an attempt to protect himself from serious injury, which very briefly delayed the journey of motorist Martin Bishop.

Bishop said: “It was f**king ridiculous. At one point, he clearly signalled that he was taking a right turn, then, after a careful backward glance, moved out in front of my car where I could see him in a flagrant bid to escape getting crushed under my tyres.

“Time and again he was taking tedious precautionary measures to avoid being hospitalised. Meanwhile, I was stuck behind him for several seconds, unable to get past. He very nearly made me slightly less early for work.

“When I finally overtook him I rolled down my window and called him a ‘stupid bastard dickhead holding up decent people’, but I think he was too focussed on maintaining a safe road position to hear me.”

Turner said: “I don’t set out to irritate anybody. I’m just not keen on the idea of being mowed down on a Thursday morning. Especially by an absolute wanker in a Range Rover.”