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Raised eyebrow to cardiac arrest: how shocked are you that Brexit failing isn't Brexiters' fault?

NIGEL Farage has rightly pointed out that Brexit opportunities have been ‘squandered’ and Brexiters are in no way responsible. How shocked are you by these undeniable truths? 

Raised eyebrow

If a brilliant policy like Brexit failed it could only ever be other people’s fault, and it was obvious the liberal elite would attempt a stitch-up. How did Brexit ever have a chance when such powerful forces were ranged against it as Jo Swinson and a former footballer who wielded almost limitless power in his role hosting Match of the Day?

Saddened, but not surprised

Of course Brexiters weren’t to blame. They’d studied the pros and cons of leaving the EU in depth, using unbiased research tools like Facebook and consulting experts in the pub. And not one of them was racist. The truth is that when something goes wrong people look for scapegoats, and that, sadly, is what has happened with Brexiters and Brexit.

Struggling to get your head round it

Even as a Brexiter you admit there were problems with Brexit. Perhaps you shouldn’t have trusted Boris Johnson. Maybe the promise of £350 million a week for the NHS should have been interrogated. Deliberately making it hard to trade with all our closest neighbours was – arguably – f**king stupid. But those were minor issues. Its failure remains a mystery.

Totally gobsmacked

You don’t understand how the Will of the People could be thwarted. That’s definitely a thing and how we won World War II. And Brexit was basically WWII part two: plucky Brits fighting enslavement by our despised enemies the French, Germans and Spanish. Why didn’t we win this time? Is it because the young are all weak? That’ll be it.

Shaking uncontrollably

With rage, because the only reason Brexit failed was the treachery of your fellow countrymen. Your sacrifices – walking to the polling station, trolling online – brought Remoaners countless benefits like blue passports and… other things, but they sabotaged Brexit regardless. Farage needs to add mass public hangings to Reform’s manifesto.

Cardiac arrest

Of course Remainers are to blame! It’s a f**king outrage to suggest Brexiters, or five years of Brexiter government led by a Brexiter, are responsible! You’re so angry your heart is beating erratically and you’ll soon be further enraged by a BBC presenter not wearing a poppy in a repeat from April 2023. You won’t see Christmas. Not that you’re allowed to call it that anymore.

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Six features of anime that its adult fans are oddly reluctant to talk about

ANIME is hugely popular with Gen Z, and with many adults who choose to gloss over many of the genre’s more questionable aspects. These are not often discussed: 

Much of it is about schoolgirls

Stories about schoolkids aren’t exclusive to anime. Stranger Things and Heartstopper exist. However, anime does tend to focus on girls in absurdly fetishised uniforms whose special powers whip their clothes off when they undergo magical transformations. And you’re asked to watch without a hint of discomfort while feeling like you’ve been added to a register.

Humour rarely survives translation

It’s Japanese, it’s bound to contain cultural differences. Some are a fascinating insight into their centuries-old civilisation, but for every example of ikigai – the concept of finding value in existence – there’s a character like five-year-old Shin-chan who has the habit of impersonating an elephant by whipping his penis out.

Retrograde gender dynamics

Japanese society is more traditional than ours and anime reflects that, resulting in gender roles reminiscent of the 1950s as weary salarymen come home from a long day at work to bark at their insubordinate wives and ignore their children. Though depending on your political views, perhaps this is more aspirational than disturbing.

There are huge boobs everywhere

Not that you’re against large breasts, as your search history would confirm. But in anime they’re too often a needless creative choice that adds nothing to the plot. Plus, from the way they bounce and jiggle in tight costumes, it feels like this is why the artist got into animation and he frequently works one-handed.

Orgasmic voice acting

Anime connoisseurs will always choose to watch the original subtitled version over the plebian dubbed alternative. And while this may seem sophisticated, moments of female surprise, amazement or happiness always sound troublingly pornographic. Do these characters really have to groan in ecstasy after sipping a matcha tea? Do you?

Fandom of Japanese cartoons for teenagers is inherently creepy

The popularity of KPop Demon Hunters and Chainsaw Man can’t take away from obsessive viewing of cartoons being paedo-coded in our society. Even more so now nerd shops are filled with blue-haired teenage girls buying manga. Gone are the simpler days when Forbidden Planet was a haven for men to discuss sex comedy Golden Boy, in which the hero has a fetish for toilets recently used by beautiful women, in peace.

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