REFORM party officials are recruiting candidates to run local councils from branches of Wetherspoons, they have confirmed.
Urgently needing to field candidates in unexpected elections, the party has to find hundreds of warm bodies who share its beliefs and work ethic so have decided to trawl local pubs.
Recruiter Steve Malley said: “Previously we were going through the rolls of local Conservative party members, but Nigel’s stopped that. Says they’re too tainted.
“We were at a loss for how to locate the right blend of unthinking xenophobia, idiotically simple solutions for complex problems and bleary ignorance. So as our leader always recommends, we went to the pub to think about it and there the answer was.
“Marinated in Brexit, seeing no further than their next pint and who they can cadge a fag off, untouched by the modern age and so without a troubling social media record, they’re naturals for local government. They’ve been doing f**k all for years.
“Who better to link asylum seekers and your bin not being emptied than these supreme logicians? Who better suited to pointless existences on government money? And we already have a 19-year-old council leader, so why not an 88-year-old one?”
Norman Steele said: “I’m standing for Reform in Nuneaton and Bedworth. But I got a good deal. Breaded scampi and two pitchers of Candy Rosá.”
