SHIPPING asylum seekers to Rwanda sounds just like God’s antics in the first half of the Bible, believers have told the Archbishop of Canterbury.
The Most Reverend Justin Welby pronounced the government’s plan to deport all asylum seekers to Rwanda against the judgement of God before being reminded that before He had a son God was involved in some pretty messed-up stuff.
Martin Bishop, a practicing Christian, said: “I agree, the Rwanda plan is f**ked up and inhuman. But ungodly? The big man upstairs once turned a woman into a pillar of salt because she looked back at a city he was destroying.
“Then there was the time He flooded the entire planet instead of fixing its corruption. I could see the government signing off on that policy.
“He unleashed ten plagues on Egypt because the Pharaoh refused to set the Israelites free. Half a dozen plagues would be overkill. Ten? That’s taking the piss.
“Following which the Israelites, who are supposedly God’s favourites, wandered the desert for 40 years. Which is the Tory asylum-seeker plan in a nutshell.”
Home secretary Priti Patel said: “Sounds great, I’d love to read it. But whenever I touch a Bible my hand bursts into flames and I howl to my dark Master. It’s weird.”