ALLOWING the constituency which backed Boris Johnson to continue to vote has caused nationwide alarm and disgust.
Letting the residents of Uxbridge and South Ruislip exercise their democratic rights is clearly an administrative oversight as they have already demonstrated they cannot be trusted to make rational decisions.
A Downing Street spokesperson said: “We’re just as worried as the public. Last time they happily backed a narcissistic nutjob with more kids than brain cells, so God knows what monster they’re planning to unleash on the country this time.
“They’re spoilt for choice when it comes to twats too. Laurence Fox is running on behalf of Reclaim, Piers Corbyn is standing for Let London Live, whatever that is. There’s even a UKIP candidate for retro wankers stuck in 2016.
“In an ideal world anyone who trots out the cliches ‘Boris was a character’ or ‘He got the vaccine rolled out early‘ would be shot on sight. It’s undemocratic but it would stop them voting. And breeding.
“The best-case scenario is that constituents vote for Count Binface. So what if he’s a parody? His promise to slash the price of croissants is a legitimately good policy, especially during the cost of living crisis. Let’s give him a go.”
Uxbridge and South Ruislip resident Nikki Hollis said: “I think I’ll scrawl ‘Boris’ on the ballot paper with my excrement. Always seems to work.”
