WE have solved the migrant hotel problem, but apparently they don’t just vanish? No problem. We’ve used our collective expertise to find new locations to house them:
The sea
They’re fine with sea, it’s how they got here. So that Biddy Stockholm barge could do but otherwise they can construct themselves rafts, link them together, they’ve got a island like that Tory MP expensed for his ducks. They might like it better there. Build their own independent nation just off Britain’s shores. We’d have to declare war on them.
The mines
Since Thatcher drove those bloody shirking miners out of their boltholes they’ve been standing empty when they’re perfectly habitable, probably, it’s only been 40 years. So they can begin new lives underground, safe from the righteous retaliation of good, decent, vengeful prejudiced Brits. Tunnel under my allotment I’ll be digging down sharp with a spade.
The homes of Labour voters
They voted for it, irrespective of the asylum hotels all dating from when the Tories were in and it being the direct result of Brexit, so they can all do a Lineker. One migrant per Labour-voting household, beginning with the champagne socialist Londoners. After all we take in homeless veterans, or would if they weren’t a bit fighty.
An alternate dimension
There’s millions of alternate dimensions, and since it was Stephen Hawking discovered them they’re all British. So we find one that’s post-nuclear and population-free, pop them through a portal and there you go. They won’t mind the radiation, they’re from hot countries already. Relish it probably.
Brigadoon
You’ve heard of it? Mysterious Scottish village, only appears every hundred years? Must be coming around again so when it does we give them kilts, teach them to follow a tune, pile them all in there and then we’ve got a century to process their applications. Shouldn’t take that long, how hard is it to stamp ‘No’ in red?
My big shaven head
After all, the bastards are already living there rent-free, and you wouldn’t believe how many atrocities they’re committing against whites in there every hour of the day. Stops me sleeping. They might as well move in full-time. Watch out for the surges of testosterone and the pulsing veins.
