SOME boys like conkers. Others playing rugby or collecting stamps. But I believe that casual racism is a hobby which offers joy to every English schoolboy.
It does not need equipment or apparatus and it can be practised by the upper and lower classes alike. It does not even require any foreigners, though as I will demonstrate later in this essay it helps. And most importantly it is tremendous fun.
On a bright spring day there is nothing to lift a playful heart more than directing remarks about the colour of his skin to a younger bug and watching him cringe in fear. Especially if you have your mates with you and I always do.
If you are a prefect it is even more of a nice treat because you can give a boy who is not white like you should be a detention. This is called an ‘arbitrary exercise of power’ and useful training for management or if you have to be an MP.
There is also a marvellous sense of tradition to racism. I like to sing the songs the Nazis sung on the school bus because they bring everyone together. Please see my previous essay ‘Why Adolf was misunderstood’ which I got a detention for.
Also for the advanced racist you can learn to spot Jews, which is hard because they look like normal people but you can tell them by the surnames. So there are different levels to the hobby which makes it more engrossing.
I believe this is a good pastime for everyone and would be popular with the lower orders, though I would Sieg Heil less because they are not intelligent enough to see we were on the wrong side in the war.
So that is why I think every boy no matter his station should be taught to amuse himself with casual racism. And if I do not get an A for this essay I will spend my life proving it.
By N. Farage, pronounced Farridge not the Frog way, Class 3HH
