Politics

HARDWORKING, decent men like Boris Johnson are easy prey for any woman with a vagina, as Angela Rayner’s slutty behaviour has proved. A word of sisterly advice, Ang, you’re no Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas more like it.

BORIS Johnson and Rishi Sunak’s plunging popularity could be the result of the media not endlessly sucking their dicks, experts have agreed.

THIS government has lurched from crisis to crisis, all because they were distracted by red-headed Labour deputy leader Angela Rayner crossing her legs.

A CIVIL service co-worker has visited Jacob Rees-Mogg’s desk while he was absent and left him a little message.

A CONSERVATIVE MP has admitted he is delaying the inevitable trip to have Boris, his much-loved golden Labrador that shits everywhere, put down.

MY liege, and England’s Lord, Boris Johnson is besieged by moral and intellectual pygmies. I must don my ancestral armour and joust for his honour. Follow me!

MPs will get a vote on Thursday to decide whether Boris Johnson did a bad thing or the UK public are being whiny little snowflakes about a cake and should get over it.

A HUSBAND has told his wife that once he has offered a sincere, full-throated apology for shagging her best mate and spending their savings, he has done all he can.

SHIPPING asylum seekers to Rwanda sounds just like God’s antics in the first half of the Bible, believers have told the Archbishop of Canterbury.

THE UK has realised that it can only hold seven ongoing Tory scandals in its mind at once, so is forgetting at least another seven.