STAY-AT-HOME England fans are thrilled to grab the once-in-a-lifetime chance to watch the game far more pissed than the fans at the match.
Fans will start drinking from lunchtime, whether at home or at work, in order to be completely hammered by 7pm while the poor bastards watching in the actual stadium are stone cold f**king sober.
Tom Logan of Reading sang: “We’re pissed at home, we’re pissed at home, we are pissed at home.
“This is going to be fantastic. All those years of watching hammered England fans throwing plastic chairs about outside foreign cafes, feeling like I couldn’t match their level of patriotic drunkenness. But now? It’s our turn.
“Watching England take on the Yanks there in Qatar? I pity you. I’ve got more chilled Stella in my fridge than in the whole Al Bayt Stadium, and I’m clearing a can every ten minutes.
“I could say it’s my personal protest against the repressive Qatari regime’s alcohol ban, and I’m drinking in solidarity with those thirsty f**kers out there listening to the England band, but I’m too pissed to lie. This is brilliant.
“If we win I might celebrate by wanking off my brother-in-law. Can’t do that either can you, you sad twats?”