A MAN with an extensive knowledge of football is patriotically refusing to voice his real views on the quality of yesterday’s penalty shootout.
Nathan Muir, aged 34, has been obsessively following football since he was seven years old, knows a good penalty from a bad one, and as a service to his nation, to women and himself is keeping his mouth firmly shut.
He said: “What an absolute triumph for the Lionesses. What heroes to this nation they are, and other such approved opinions.
“You won’t hear anything from me on contentious issues such as Beth Mead falling over on the very first penalty and having to retake it. Just slipping right over in a dead-ball situation.
“Nor anything about a standard Football Association goal being 24 feet wide, so there’s no need for every single kick to be booted within three feet either side of the keeper.
“Even such unsophisticated observations as ‘Christ, would it have killed them to put a bit of welly behind it? It’s only the f**king Euro final,’ will be kept bottled up, a vintage never to be served. I’m not being Joey Barton.”
He added: “Two weeks until the football season starts. I shall be taking out my frustration on the men.”
