All racehorses named by Captcha

THE online anti-fraud tool Captcha is responsible for the names of racehorses, it has been revealed.

Captcha asks users to read random word pairings to determine whether they should be allowed to go to the cinema.

But leading horse-namers have found inspiration in the software, having long exhausted the limits of their imagination and vocabulary.

Horse breeder Tom Logan said: “I thought all possible horse names had been taken, except for ones with swears in, and they aren’t allowed in case the Queen sees it.

“But then Captcha made some suggestions, and now we’ve got Nugatory Reward, Laotians Bong and Rectal Blend.”

All 40 of this year’s Grand National entries were named using Captcha, including Monbeg Dude, Unlubricated Cosmonaut and last year’s champion, 399446 211.

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Some aspects of pregnancy are at odds with my glamorous image

Dear Holly,

I’m finding some aspects of pregnancy are at odds with the image of Hollywood glamour I usually exude, notably the haemorrhoids which I seem to have acquired. How can I continue to be inspiration for millions of wet dreams when I can’t comfortably sit down?

Scarlett Johansson

Los Angeles 

Dear Scarlett,

I’ve asked several people to explain to me what a wet dream is (including my granny and the postman), and all of them have mumbled something inaudible and suddenly had to run for the bus. Is it one if those dreams where you’re swimming at the leisure centre and then suddenly you’re completely starkers and everyone is looking at you? And then your geography teacher turns up and forces you to do a surprise exam on river landforms and the water cycle and you wake up in a cold sweat? That’s more like a wet nightmare if you ask me.

Hope that helps!