AS his one match European ban was upheld, Darren Fletcher has accepted that the laws of football apply to him.
The Manchester United midfielder had insisted that he won the ball from Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas, even though his legs were wrapped around his opponent's like a scene from the homoerotic edition of the Kama Sutra.
He said last night: "UEFA insist that is a red card and a ban. Darren Fletcher, in his infinite grace and forgiveness, will therefore allow this to happen."
Man Utd coach Sir Alex Ferguson praised Fletcher's beatific calm at accepting the disciplinary measures set down in the long-established rules of the sport.
Insisting the Scottish international was setting a 'great example' he added: "If Barcelona score more goals than us in the final and UEFA decide to award them the trophy, then I suppose we will just have to accept that too.
"Or at least until we can hire some lawyers to have the rules changed."
Meanwhile the club's Argentine star Carlos Tevez has signalled his desire to leave at the end of the season. Ferguson has restricted Tevez's appearances in recent months, claiming that whenever he sees him charging down the wing, 'it's like one of those dirty great Orcs from Lord of the Rings coming at you in 3D'.
Tevez said: "The eight-bedroom mansion, the vast wages, the personal assistant cupping my balls when it's chilly – all of this says I am not welcome here."
He added that he will not even consider talks with the club until a 600ft statue of Sir Matt Busby giving birth to him has been erected in the car park of the Arndale Centre.