FIFA 17 includes option to take a bung

THE 2017 edition of FIFA for the Xbox has a more realistic manager mode which allows players to take bungs in Far East hotels.

While the career mode does involve some football matches, the majority of the game involves embezzling untraceable money from shady businessman.

Gaming expert Stephen Malley said: “Players get to control their manager as he sits in a five star hotel in Hong Kong and boasts about flouting transfer regulations and they must decide how big a back-hander they should take for signing an unheard of Brazilian striker.

“Every now and then there’s a football match too, but the real focus is on getting incredibly rich on ilicit kick-backs and dodging undercover journalists.”

Wayne Hayes, 11, said: “I’m still getting the hang of the game.

“I did some excellent third party ownership deals but then I spent the next five hours in front of the Football Association’s ethics committee which was a bit of a downer.”


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Baby desperately wants to untag itself

A BABY has been trying to remove itself from Facebook, it has emerged.

Six-month-old Wayne Hayes has been trying without success to delete images from social media, despite having tiny un-coordinated fingers and limited access to computers.

The baby’s father, Brian Hayes, said: “At first we thought he was finally going to roll over, but at the last minute he lunged for the iPad which his mother had left open on Facebook. He went straight for a photo of him wearing a t-shirt with ‘Keep Calm And Feed Me’ on.

“Last week I left my phone near his cot, playing lullabies. I turned around for one second and he’d tried to report a post in which his aunt referred to him as ‘lil’ man’.

“We don’t know where it comes from. All his family loves social media and constantly post pictures of themselves.”

Child psychologist Nikki Hollis said: “We are now seeing more infants struggling to dissociate themselves from moron relatives. In some cases they want that more than milk.”