Give Belgium third place if they want it, England players agree

ENGLAND players have agreed that today’s third-place play-off should just be given to Belgium if they want it because it is no use to us.

The team have told Southgate that they will still play if they absolutely have to but they honestly find the whole thing unnecessary and humiliating.

Striker Jamie Vardy said: “Third place is worth competing for if you’re a kid in a sack race. But at this level? It’s an insult.

“But nonetheless we’re expected to drag our knackered bodies onto the pitch and pretend we want to win against Belgium, which we’ve already done once this bloody trip.

“Harry’s told us he doesn’t give a bugger about the Golden Boot because he doesn’t want to end up like Gary Lineker, so as far as we’re concerned we can toss for it and call it a day.

“If Belgium want to be second-place losers, they can be. This is bullshit.”

Belgium’s Marouane Fellaini said: “They don’t want it? Yeah well we don’t want it even more. This could turn into quite a match.”