HORSE racing is okay, but you really have to be in the mood, horses have confirmed.
As British humans looked forward to their favourite horse race, horses across the country urged people not to assume they know when a different species is enjoying itself.
Tom Logan, a 14 year-old horse from Stevenage, said: “Most of us like a bit of a run now and again, but not all of us and not as much as you think.
“For instance, my half-brother Geoff is a fat, lazy prick.
“Of course that doesn’t stop some middle class idiot clambering on top of him twice a week and thrashing his arse with a stick.
“I said to him ‘Geoff, Tory MPs pay good money for that’. He told me to go fuck myself.”
Logan added: “I’m fond of a gallop, but on my own terms, d’you know what I mean? If I wake up and find myself in the mood for a jog do you think I really want to have a little Irishman sitting on top of me while I do it?
“Do you think that makes it perfect?
“Anyway, just make the fences smaller, you bunch of dicks.”