Man City Players Love Chasing Sticks, Says Eriksson

MANCHESTER City manager Sven Goran Eriksson has revealed his players love to chase after sticks and are easily distracted by bright lights.

Eriksson said he first noticed the behaviour when goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel returned a water bottle that had be thrown to him.

"One of the coaches threw the bottle but it went over Kasper's head. He chased after it, picked it up and brought it back, clearly very keen for us to throw it again.

"We quickly moved on to sticks and then tennis balls."

He added: "Sometimes I just pretend to throw the stick. Danny Mills will run off but stop after a few yards and turn around and look at me as if to say, 'where's it gone?'"

The players are also transfixed by colours, unusual shapes and bright lights, the manager said.

"We were in the changing room after a training session and I noticed that quite a few of the boys were distracted by a strange, fast-moving light on the wall.

"I then realised it was just the reflection from my watch. Whenever I moved my wrist, their heads would quickly follow. Now I use a torch."

Eriksson added: "They love to sit in front of the television when Strictly Come Dancing is on.

"They are fascinated by the movement, and whenever Bruce Forsyth is on screen Rolando Bianchi will just crouch down and howl."

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French Trader Was Forced To Work 30 Hours A Week

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.

Kerviel was known to start work as early as nine in the morning and still be at his desk at five or even five-thirty, often with just an hour and a half for lunch.

One colleague said: “He was, how you say, une workaholique.

“I have a family and a mistress so I would leave the office at around 2pm at the latest, if I wasn’t on strike.

“But Jerome was tied to that desk. One day I came back to the office at 3pm because I had forgotten my stupid little hat, and there he was, fast asleep on the photocopier.

“At first I assumed he had been having sex with it, but then I remembered he’d been working for almost six hours.”

As the losses mounted, Kerviel tried to conceal his bad trades by covering them with an intense red wine sauce, later switching to delicate pastry horns.

At one point he managed to dispose of dozens of transactions by hiding them inside vol-au-vent cases and staging a fake reception.