Non-League football best place to meet women

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

The development could boost the amateur game, but has met with a mixed response amongst die-hard non-League fans.

Martin Bishop, a groundhopper from Merseyside said: “On Saturday I travelled 14 hours by bus to see Dorking Wanderers v Peacehaven and Telscombe in Ryman Division South only to find Pippa Middleton and her pals had turned up and bought all the programmes.

“Unless you get a programme it doesn’t count, so though she is a good-looking lass with famous buttocks she has rendered my journey fruitless, which is quite annoying.”

Roy Hobbs, from Durham, said: “At Ryton & Crawcrook on Friday Sienna Miller was leaning against the tea stall looking very ‘boho chic’. Somehow she had persuaded the secretary to give her all the team-sheets.

“She said I could have one if I let her buy me a drink in a swanky London cocktail bar, but the date she offered clashed with the extra preliminary round of the FA Cup.”

Actress and self-confessed Hemsworth Miners Welfare FC ‘maniac’, Emma Watson said: “There is something about a man with a thermos flask in a carrier bag that is very romantic and exciting.”

The Harry Potter star added: “I have some photos of Toolsworth NECL Premier Division cornerflags at my flat. Would you like to come up and see them?”

London Underground ‘could eventually run during the day’

LONDON Underground could eventually run an uninterrupted service for up to 18 hours a day, it has been claimed.

Setting out its long term plans, Transport for London believes that at some point in the future the capital’s tube system could offer a regular service, between 6am and midnight, on all lines, including the Northern Line.

A TfL spokesman said: “Londoners are out and about all hours, so we thought, why not provide them with a service that runs all day long?

“It might seem revolutionary to have a transport system without regular breakdowns, strikes and really vile, horrible overcrowding, but this is an idea whose time has come.

“We’ve called this concept the ‘Day Tube’. Someday, somehow, it could happen. Probably by accident.”

Commuter Francesca Johnson added: “I want to congratulate TfL for this magnificent vision, particularly as they are already doing the very best they possibly can.”