Non-League football best place to meet women

SINGLE women are flocking to non-League football matches in the hope of hooking up with middle-aged men in cagoules.

The development could boost the amateur game, but has met with a mixed response amongst die-hard non-League fans.

Martin Bishop, a groundhopper from Merseyside said: “On Saturday I travelled 14 hours by bus to see Dorking Wanderers v Peacehaven and Telscombe in Ryman Division South only to find Pippa Middleton and her pals had turned up and bought all the programmes.

“Unless you get a programme it doesn’t count, so though she is a good-looking lass with famous buttocks she has rendered my journey fruitless, which is quite annoying.”

Roy Hobbs, from Durham, said: “At Ryton & Crawcrook on Friday Sienna Miller was leaning against the tea stall looking very ‘boho chic’. Somehow she had persuaded the secretary to give her all the team-sheets.

“She said I could have one if I let her buy me a drink in a swanky London cocktail bar, but the date she offered clashed with the extra preliminary round of the FA Cup.”

Actress and self-confessed Hemsworth Miners Welfare FC ‘maniac’, Emma Watson said: “There is something about a man with a thermos flask in a carrier bag that is very romantic and exciting.”

The Harry Potter star added: “I have some photos of Toolsworth NECL Premier Division cornerflags at my flat. Would you like to come up and see them?”