Rangers Now The England Of Scotland

RANGERS are the England of Scotland, it was claimed last night.

'I say chaps, let's knock shit out of the old bill'

Experts said the savage violence, casual racism and fanatical love of the monarchy confirmed the long-held theory that Rangers fans are essentially England supporters with foreign accents.

According to researchers Rangers and England fans share 99.99% of their DNA.

Professor Henry Brubaker, organiser of football related violence at the Institute for Studies, said: "Think of them as being a bit like donkeys and zebras – if donkeys and zebras had an insatiable appetite for Grolsch and beating the hell out of policemen.

"We have been studying Rangers fans for several years and, apart from the fact they don't speak English, their only other distinguishing characteristic is an inexplicable fondess for chip fat."

He added: "As Scotland moves ever closer to independence and its national identity is stronger than it has been for centuries, it is fascinating to see 200,000 Scotsmen in the middle of Manchester waving Union Jacks."

Meanwhile England's biggest professional football gangs are hoping to sign up some of Rangers' most viscious maniacs.

Wayne Hayes, a leading Chelsea psycopath, said: "We've been very impressed. They really just need some elecution lessons and a BMW."