Ranieri being very vague about new job, say friends

EX-CHELSEA boss Claudio Ranieri is being unusually evasive when asked which team he will be managing next season.

Ranieri told friends and family that he has a new job but only offered cryptic responses when asked the club he will be working for.

Friend Julian Cook said: “Claudio just keeps saying he’ll be managing an English team and that he’s delighted to be working in the Premier League again.

“I named at least 15 teams but he kept shaking his head, so I suppose he’s being modest and doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

“It’s a bit like that time we could have sworn we saw him coaching Greece in their defeat against the Faroe Islands but he insisted it was another avuncular Italian with a wry demeanour.”

At his introductory photo shoot as Leicester boss, Ranieri made the unorthodox request to have his picture taken in such a way that only the CFC was visible on the seats in the King Power Stadium.

He then declined to hold up a Leicester City scarf, insisting that he already had plenty of scarves of his own.

Ranieri said: “I’m delighted to have joined the club that I have joined. All I can ask is that the fans are patient and support me and that they never take any photos of me at the games.” 

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Plasterers distraught about 1D's Louis having a baby

ONE Direction’s core fanbase of plasterers is in emotional crisis after learning of singer Louis Tomlinson’s impending fatherhood.

The boy band has sold over 50 million records, mostly to plasterers who adore One Direction’s mix of catchy upbeat pop and non-threatening sexuality.

41-year-old plasterer and renderer Tom Booker said: “I’m checking Twitter every two minutes, because I know Louis’s going to set the record straight. It isn’t true, I know it isn’t.

“If it was true – which it isn’t – I would just hide in my van with all the doors locked, crying and punching the dashboard.

“All the money I’ve made from plastering I’ve spent on 1D albums, gig tickets and merch, mainly to make Louis like me so that I can marry him.”

Lime plasterer Roy Hobbs said: “The worst thing is that this comes so soon after Zayn leaving. This is the worst year of my life.

“Anyway it’s just some girl stirring up rumours to get attention. I hate people like that. I bet they didn’t even kiss.”

He added: “It’s affecting my work because I keep getting tears in my plaster.”