TRAFFIC flow on roundabouts will be switched to anti-clockwise for the duration of the Olympics, the Government has announced.
Officials said the move will ensure the event meets its target of causing painful inconvenience to every single person in the country, not just London.
The new traffic regulation, which will be imposed from July 27 to August 12, means that motorists will have to choose between remembering the Olympics are on or being killed or maimed in a head-on collision.
A spokesman said: “The 2012 annoyance committee realised that having the psychotic logo, the pair of terrifying cyclops monsters and adverts filled with potential heroes was not annoying every last sentient being on mainland Britain.
“This will not only enhance the Great Olympic Celebration but should also increase road traffic accidents by at least 500 per cent. It’s very exciting.”
Signs with the psychotic logo and the five Olympic rings will be erected on every roundabout urging motorists to, ‘Go for Gold – Go the other way round!’.
The spokesman added: “Best of all, the roundabout reversal strategy will cost at least £280 million, pushing the total taxpayer bill for the Olympics ever closer to the £30bn target.”
Tom Logan, from Hatfield, said: “At least I’ll be able to get very excited about the victories of strangers who happened to be born in roughly the same area of the Earth’s surface that I was.”