FIVE-year-olds are playing ‘Dodge the Taxman’ in the playground in a bid to emulate their sporting role models.
Traditional sports have been abandoned for games of Find the Shelter, the Holding Company Shuffle and Who’s Got The Most Valuable Image Rights.
Teacher Francesca Johnson said: “Back when Blackburn midfielder Garry Flitcroft was every schoolboy’s hero, they spent all their time pretending to be fighting legal battles to stop their affairs with lapdancers being exposed.
“Now it’s all tax avoidance and pretending to be fined for slagging off the manager on Twitter.”
Tom Logan, 12, said: “Michael Vaughan is my favourite, and I want to be just like him when I grow up by investing money in a string of British films that nobody wants to see.
“At playtime we make Dudley Wood play HMRC and the rest of us run around screaming as he tries to catch us.
“There’s too many of us for him to cope with, and if he ever does catch anyone we just shout ‘my lawyer has a better track record than your lawyer,’ until he lets us go.
“Our commitment to realism is, as you can see, absolute.”