This is us trying our hardest, say England players

ENGLAND players have hit back at their critics insisting they are simply not very good at football.

Responding to Harry Redknapp’s comments that they ‘don’t give a toss’, captain Wayne Rooney stressed the performance against Norway was due to ‘a proper, old fashioned lack of ability’.

Rooney said: “There are no easy games at this level, apart from Scotland.

“Norway is an empty land where the national sport is lying in the snow and yet we still only managed two shots on goal.

“If anything, we give too much of a toss, which is why we can’t concentrate on playing football.”

The response has failed to satisfy angry England fans, who insist they would all be incredibly good at doing a second job during their holidays, working with people they hate.


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Polo shirt wearers slammed for lack of effort

POLO shirts are not acceptable at smart occasions, lazy bastards have been told.

Also it is made of weird material

Although the garments are just jazzed up t-shirts, thousands of men have been wearing them to weddings on the basis that they have a collar and buttons.

Web designer Tom Booker said: “Job interviews, christenings, meeting the girlfriend’s parents – I’ve gotten through the lot without doing any ironing thanks to a polo shirt and a v-neck jumper.

“The only danger is that I have keep to stifling sniggers at those blind chumps who’ve no idea how thoroughly they’re being conned.

“They actually think it’s a real shirt. They don’t know there are only three buttons, the suckers.”

Fashion blogger Carolyn Ryan said: “Men in polo shirts imagine they’ve discovered a magical third way, a garment that’s acceptable for the boardroom and the beach.

“The rest of us pity these men who can commit to neither the full-blooded formality of a shirt nor the devil-may-care insouciance of a t-shirt.

“They sit on the fence, neither fish nor fowl, outsiders in every sphere of life, cackling with self-delusion.”

Lacoste polo shirt Roy Hobbs said: “I am an unholy fusion of two things, a mutant half-breed that, like the liger, was never meant to be. Please, let me die.”