United Arab Emirates 'may not have enough oil to revive Man City'

THE funds required to rebuild Manchester City could leave the once oil-rich United Arab Emirates facing ruin.

Despite possessing the fourth largest oil reserves in the world, it is feared that ploughing the billions needed to reverse the club’s losing streak could leave the country poorer than Somalia.

City owner Sheik Mansour, said: “Paying off a succession of  coaches who we signed because they were grey haired and foreign sounding has reduced us to our last 5,000 barrels.

“Then we must factor in future purchases of ancient ex-Arsenal players who have come to regard Man City as a luxurious retirement home.

“And obviously I am going to pay £100 million for Jack Wilshere in exchange for seven injury-free games before we ship what’s left of him off to Aston Villa.

“Would anyone like to buy some sand?”

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Annoying women claim to look alike

TWO close female friends claim to look almost identical despite this obviously not being the case.

Life-long best friends Susan Traherne and Emma Bradford believe they look ‘like sisters’ and enjoy describing how others mix them up.

Susan Traherne said: “People can’t believe we aren’t related, it just totally freaks them out.

“Even our husbands sometimes do a double take. As you can imagine, that is really funny.

“I had to get my hair done in a different style – shorter and more layered – so that people can tell us apart.

“It’s almost spooky.”

Emma Bradford said: “I say to Susan that we are sisters from another womb.

“Sometimes we wear each others’ clothes which really confuses everyone. You wouldn’t believe the farcical situations that occur, it’s crazy.

“Because we really do look very alike.”

Bradford’s work colleague Tom Logan said: “They are obsessed with this for some reason.

“The main similarity between them is that they are both annoying and love attention.”