DUTCH striker Ruud van Nisterlooy is to spend the rest of Euro 2008 standing on the opposition goal-line.
Holland coach Marco Van Basten made the bold tactical shift after it became clear Van Nistelrooy was invisible to both referees and linesmen.
He said: "Invisibility is such a valuable quality in a striker. Especially when he's six foot two and built like a brick shittenhuis.
"This allows you to position him deep inside the six-yard box and when the ball comes anywhere near the goal he just pushes the keeper out of the way.
"It also allows him to intercept pass-backs and knock the ball out of the keeper's hands, before sending it hurtling towards the open goal while everyone assumes they’re witnessing some kind of miracle."
Meanwhile Italy has lodged a formal protest and demanding the Dutch share the secret of their 'invisibility potion'.
Van Basten added: "There's no magic to it. It's very much in the Dutch tradition of 'Total Poaching' where every member of the team is equally good at poaching.
"I expect to win our remaining games by 14 or 15 goals."
