West Ham fans taunted by sound of man with tiny penis

WEST Ham fans are to be subjected to cruel taunts about the apparent smallness of their genitalia.

From next week opposing supporters will unveil a range of chants including ‘is it in yet?’ and ‘I’m forever blowing up my sex doll’.

Rival fans have also devised an offensive ‘salute’ which involves sticking their arms straight up in the air and then wiggling their pinkies.

And in a move certain to provoke the FA, they will make the high-pitched whining sound of a man looking at his tiny penis in a mirror and realising that if he somehow convinces a woman to sleep with him she will laugh hysterically at his pathetic genitals and then tell him to get out, even if it is actually his house.

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “Non-football fans may be confused by all this, but basically while West Ham United is not officially a small-penised club it has a long association with East London’s small-penised community and is supported by a large number of men who have tiny, useless cocks.

“This makes it is an easy target for anti-small penis bigots.”

He added: “It’s a shame that in the 21st century some people still think it’s okay to make fun of men who obviously have the sort of miniscule penises that would not look out of place on a baby chinchilla.”

Angry West Ham fan Martin Bishop said: “I would march straight into FA headquarters but I’m afraid the receptionist might be attractive and I would then be filled with self-loathing because I would never be able to satisfy her.”


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Brian May's deer 'said Freddie was the talented one'

BADGER fan Brian May culled deer on his estate after overhearing them say Queen was really all about Freddie Mercury, it has been claimed.

A source said: “Brian was walking the estate and there was a stag and a doe in the hedge talking about how his guitar playing was workmanlike at best.

“The stag thought that without such a charismatic frontman Queen would have been just another pub rock band.

“Brian was fuming, calling them ‘hooved fucks’.

“The very next day, the guns came.”