Sport

THE total loserdom of tens of thousands of football fans is shortly to be confirmed when their crap football clubs are deservedly relegated.

A MAN who up until yesterday was an ardent Arsenal fan is now feigning ignorance about the sport of football as a whole, it has emerged.

MAURICIO Pochettino will today reluctantly agree to earn eight figures for doing a shit job as Chelsea manager until November.

YOU’LL never get on TV by actually winning the Marathon, so try getting the BBC’s attention with one of these wacky costumes instead.

HARRY Kane has been congratulated on becoming England’s top goal scorer but advised to do it during a World Cup quarter-final penalty.

THE landlord of a pub would give anything for it not to be a Sky f**king Sports one.

TONIGHT’S Match of the Day will be broadcast via live Ceefax updates, the BBC has announced.

IF only it could be different. If only Gary Lineker had the good sense to be a right-wing bigot, he could air his political views as often as he liked.

WOMEN have agreed that of all the pathetic things men are far too obsessed with, football is easily the worst.

The Premier League has never been better but you’re too cheap to go to their matches. Here’s what you’re getting by supporting a shit League Two team instead.