A MOUSE which survived a terrifying ordeal in a freezing river has thanked all the humans who stood on the bank taking pictures with their mobile phones.
Ian Simpson, a three year-old mouse from Carlisle, described the human response to his plight as 'incredibly fucking heart-warming'.
He said last night: "I'd had a long lunch with my mate Geoff and on the way back to work I tripped and fell into the river. So yes, to some degree, it was my fault.
"Anyway, the water was absolutely bloody freezing, meanwhile I'm using my tail and my tiny little claws just desperately trying to grab onto a twig or something.
"Then, all of a sudden, I'm aware of this looming presence so I look up and not two feet away is a mobile phone with some arsehole behind it shouting 'check this little mouse, I think it might drown'.
"I start shouting 'Oi, mate, can you just put down the phone for a minute and grab my tail', but he just carries on taking pictures.
"I know he probably didn't hear me, but to be perfectly honest that shouldn't have made the slightest fucking difference. I was clearly in peril.
Simpson added: "I've no doubt if it had been some kitten fighting for its life they'd have called out the army while the Daily Telegraph cleared its front page.
"But anyway, rant over, I just wanted to say – thanks a fucking bunch. Twats."
