Nation standing by Grant Bovey

Disbelieving public says: “There’s no way this guy could be a sleazebag. No way.



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1.26 million demonstrate against Olympics takeover of BBC Three

A MASS demonstration by BBC Three viewers has protested against programmes including Sun, Sea and Suspicious Parents being displaced by Olympics coverage.

Police estimates put the number of demonstrators at around 1.26 million, although this dropped to 30,000 during the dull bits.

Among the programmes currently unavailable to BBC Three viewers at peak hours are Family Guy, Family Guy, Family Guy and Family Guy.

However protestor Nikki Hollis was most enraged by the absence of the regular 60 Second News item: “We have to watch the news on BBC1 now. That lasts loads of seconds.

“It’s long and confusing and they keep talking about Syria. I’ve no idea who she is.”

It was the biggest BBC Three-related protest since 1.5 million fans descended on Downing Street in protest at the cancellation of Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps after just nine series in 2011, a decision which many hold to be a major cause of last year’s riots.

Police spokesman Norman Steele said: “Many of the demonstrators were simply slumped glassy-eyed, joylessly masturbating into the void.

“We finally succeeded in dispersing them by staging a low-budget ‘reality’ show in the middle of Parliament Square in which several officers posed as a 70 stone woman from Essex who intended to marry her pitbull terrier.

“Another officer with a bullhorn provided a narration in a wacky voice. The effect on the demonstrators was to to induce in them a state of docile, slackwitted levity and we were able to clear the area.”

The protestors, have, however, promised to repeat their actions, at 3am, 4am and 5am on weekdays, with further repeats in forthcoming weeks.