A MAN is concerned that his marriage, which he has been in for 12 years after being together for three years, ticks every box required to be a romance scam. 

Wayne Hayes, aged 42, was perusing an article warning of romance scammers’ tactics while on the toilet when he realised that he had unknowingly fallen for every one of them in his relationship with wife Joanne.

He said: “They go for the vulnerable. Well, when we met I was hammered, hadn’t had sex for months and along comes this blonde which I’m known for going for. Hair was dyed. That was the first sign.

“Love bombing, yes, she was certainly nice to me. Trauma bombing, she was interested in why I’d been on the sick eight month. Sleep deprivation? Sometimes we’d stay up until 2am absolutely wankered on Blossom Hill.

“Hyper-intimacy? She’s always asking how I feel, even now. Scripting? I only eat when she tells me too because she makes the tea. Dream-building? I’d never have set up my own scaffolding business if it wasn’t for her encouragement.

“And then, of course, comes the financial draining. Whether it’s Christmas, birthdays or £240 because I scraped her car, I’m always on the hook. This is textbook. How have I never seen it before?”

Joanne Hayes said: “He’s finally rumbled me but too late. Good luck getting out of being married with two kids, a mortgage and a shared account, sucker.”