Even Ant and Dec have had enough of the wanker

THE state of Boris Johnson’s corrupt, hypocritical regime is so undeniable it has even pissed off Ant and Dec.

The normally apolitical presenters opened I’m A Celebrity last night by not especially subtly suggesting the prime minister should f**k right off, in a sign that he may have lost the support of the light entertainment establishment.

Viewer Norman Steele said: “The Queen’s expected to remain entirely neutral on political matters. And just below her there’s Ant and Dec.

“If they’re going in for the kill about Downing Street’s illegal lockdown Christmas party then it’s over. The message has been received by the man on the street and by this evening they’ll be storming Number 10 with rifles and flags like it’s the Winter Palace.

“What else do you need? Condemnation from the cast of Hollyoaks? The Blue Peter dog to call you a lying piece of shit? Holly Willoughby wiping her arse on a picture of your face?

“It’s game over. That’s just what happens when TV’s most loveable faces turn on you. They’re more powerful than Murdoch.”

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Ha ha ha you had a shit Christmas, says posh girl

A POSH girl finds it absolutely hilarious that you had a shit lonely Christmas last year while she and all her mates had a big party. 

The privately-educated girl, who is paid £125,000 a year from public funds for doing nothing, broke into peals of laughter at the thought of the miserable little deprived celebration you had while she enjoyed cheese and wine in Downing Street.

She continued: “‘Party? What party?’ Oh, this is all such a hoot!

“Have you seen them? Meeting their parents in lay-bys to hand over gifts while we’re doing a full Secret Santa for 50 people? The juxtaposition is just exquisite.

“Carrie and Rishi and I – oh, we’re old old friends, thick as absolute thieves – just could not control our giggles when we read all these stories of old people spending Christmas alone. In the North, too! Can you imagine anything more tragic?

“We are so naughty, telling the whole of Britain not to have parties and then holding one ourselves. Such rebels. And it made it all the more fun.

“Are you recording this? You are? Marvellous, wing me a copy and I’ll share it on the WhatsApp. It’ll never not be funny.”