Men stay up all night to watch twat drive car

BRITAIN’S pathetically excited dads stayed up all night so they could watch Jeremy Clarkson drive a car.

Millions of fathers across Britain put on their best pair of jeans and stayed up past midnight, further eroding any respect they may have had from their partners and children.

Nikki Hollis, 17, from Stevenage, said her father Peter was emitting ‘childish whoops of glee’, adding: “At 3am he woke me up because he wanted to watch it on the big screen but couldn’t work out the Fire stick.

“He kept saying ‘The boys have still got it,’ while shaking his head in admiration, and asked if I wanted to watch the opening sequence which was ‘like something from Mad Max’.”

She continued: “At half-five I heard him on the phone to one of his mates marvelling at the budget, and when I came down for breakfast he was watching them reviewing a Ferrari for the fourth time.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Peter Hollis said: “I’m just so relieved that I like it. I don’t really have anything else to live for.”

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Ask Holly: Is 'up' really the only way?

Dear Holly,

Aspirational 80s singer Yazz claims ‘The Only Way Is Up‘. But she is a horrible liar, isn’t she?

Andy Murray

Scotland

Dear Andy,

Why is it adults are allowed to lie about EVERYTHING, especially when it comes to politics, and yet us kids are supposed to tell the truth and if we don’t then we get in awful trouble? For instance, when I told Mrs Perkins that a gorilla had stolen my PE kit she said I was dishonest and put me on the naughty table, and when I reminded her we live in a post-truth society she went all red and put me in detention. You grown ups need to practice what you preach or I’ll tell my dad, whose name is Hulk Hogan by the way.

Hope that helps,

Holly