Supergirl movie focuses on tough extinction vs cousin-f**king dilemma

THE new Supergirl movie examines the brutal quandary of whether it is better to allow the Kryptonian race to die out or to f**k one’s cousin. 

Though not revealed in the trailer, the bulk of the film is a debate between Superman and his cousin Supergirl about whether they have the right to condemn their people to extinction just because the thought of doing it gives them the ick.

Movie reviewer Tom Booker says: “Superman presents a strong argument for procreation, saying that ethically they owe their people the chance to live again, citing all the good he has done for humanity and which their descendants could further.

“Kara replies that what if mingling their related genetic material creates a monstrous superbaby, who would the next generation have kids with anyway, and also ew.

“Superman counters with their moral duty to provide Earth with protectors and says yes, they would need to do it the old-fashioned way because his super-sperm would shatter any test tube.

“She says what about Lois Lane and Superman says Lois doesn’t have to know. Then blows it completely by suggesting she could work up to it by giving him a handy.”

Fan Oliver O’Connor said: “Finally a relatable superhero film with conversations like those we’ve all had in real life.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Total f**king bastard slept well last night

AN insufferable man has woken up feeling refreshed after getting a full eight hours of sleep last night.

Well-rested irritant Nathan Muir breezed into work visibly full of energy and is currently telling anyone who will listen that despite the heatwave he slept effortlessly all the way through until morning.

He said: “I just drew the curtains and left the fan running all evening. Simples, really.

“I was so comfortable I fell asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow. In fact I’d completely forgotten that it was 32 degrees at 11pm. Which is incredible because that’s a horrific temperature.

“I’m so glad I wasn’t tossing and turning all night, and my sheets stayed nice and clean because I wasn’t sweating. I think I stirred once to pull my duvet up because I was starting to get a little chilly, but that’s about it. 

“If anything I slept too well. I was in such a deep slumber that my alarm almost didn’t wake me up. Hopefully I’ll get a little less kip tonight.”

Muir’s colleague Emma Bradford said: “I had a toddler as well as the heat keeping me up. I should be allowed to put Nathan to sleep forever.”