KIM Jong-un has admitted that all he can think about is Charlotte Church.
As the Voice of an Angel star called for a 70 percent tax rate, the North Korean dictator declared her to be the ‘Great Successor’s Bride of Promise’ and ‘Star of All the Heavens’.
Kim said: “I have always known Charlotte is the one, ever since I saw a quintuple rainbow and a meteor shower as she sang Pie Jesu on This Morning.
“She embodies the principles of self-reliance, created by the Great Leader and her chat show was not the disaster everyone said it was, apart from that one episode with Jonathan Ross.
“As she moves away from the corrupt husk of capitalism towards the glorious communism that is her birthright, my heart swells with joy at the thought of our blessed union to be.
“I hope she likes inspecting factories. Ah, who doesn’t?”
Church said: “State control of all media, with scurrilous rumours punished by execution?
“I’m fucking there.”