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Concern about climate change evaporates with falling temperature

A FALL in temperatures across the UK has been mirrored by a fall in concern about climate change, which is no longer the pressing issue it was on Thursday afternoon. 

Millions who posted ‘The climate emergency is the defining issue of our age’ on social media last week have now turned to other pressing issues, such as using AI to find cheaper long-haul flights for an October break.

Climate scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “As soon as temperatures drop to  18 degrees, the mass conscious shifts from ‘we’re destroying my planet’ to ‘should I wear a jacket out?’ The first crisp morning triggers complete memory loss.

“32 degrees is a ‘terrifying glimpse of the future’, while 21 is ‘hope it lasts’. By October, attention will have returned to the truly pressing issues of whether it’s too early to put the heating on, energy costs and why it’s already dark at 5pm.

“Meanwhile, politicians who spent June promising urgent action are expected to announce a consultation into exploring a roadmap for a white paper on long-term strategy, to be published after the next heatwave. It’s the most predictable weather cycle of all.

“The British public has two climate settings. If it’s hot, they say civilisation is ending. If it’s cold, they ask whatever happened to global warming and complain it’s a disappointing summer.

“The transition between the two takes approximately one cardigan. Or a pashmina if you’re posh.”

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Tarot reader knows woman's life is a mess because she's getting a tarot reading

A PROFESSIONAL tarot reader has a sixth sense that her client’s life is in disarray because she is putting her life choices in the hands of a stranger with a pack of cards.

Mystic Nikki Hollis shocked Fran Johnson by revealing, on no more than a turn of the nine of swords, that Fran is actually concealing terrible anxieties and fears which she thought were known only to her.

Fran said: “People say tarot is nonsense, but how else could Nikki have known I’m desperate and feel I have nowhere else to turn?

“She told me that I struggle to maintain romantic relationships – true – that I haven’t been able to hold down a proper job – true – and that I often turn to drink when I’ve had a bad day. And I’m so good at concealing that, especially from my dates.

“My cards were the ten of wands, the five of pentacles and the empress, which together reveal that to find true happiness I need to stop f**king men from the apps, quit weekday wine and start taking care of myself, both mentally and physically.

“Now tell me how else would she have known that? She couldn’t possibly have. Also somehow the cards were able to intuit that I, a 32-year-old woman, secretly yearned for a mortgage and a baby.”

Hollis said: “The cards are such an incredible divination tool. Amazing how frequently they divine that getting smashed on white wine spritzers and going on 2am Vinted sprees isn’t a viable future.”

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