Dedicated local business supporter gets yet another takeaway

A DEDICATED supporter of local businesses has ordered yet another takeaway, he has confirmed.

Tom Booker is selflessly determined not to let businesses in his community go bust and is supporting them by existing almost entirely on delivery food.

He said: “I don’t like the word hero. I’m just doing what little I can to help.

“I’m careful to spread my philanthropy around, for the sake of fairness. Curry last night, Chinese Tuesday, pizza Sunday. I’m even having Thai just to show I care.

“Also it’s independent shops. No Burger King or KFC or any of that, because they’re not open. So doubly good.

“I don’t do it for thanks, I do it because it’s what needs to be done.”

He added: “Also, I’ve been sourcing my beers locally from Ahmed at the corner shop, going up there for a fresh couple of eight-packs once a day.

“Hopefully the world can learn from my example. We can rebuild from the ground up.”

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'I Love NHS' tattoo infected

A MAN with a fresh ‘I Love NHS’ is beginning to worry that he needs a trip to A&E. 

Nathan Muir was given the tattoo by his housemate’s dealer in a fit of patriotic fervour last week, but is now concerned that medical staff need to look at it in a professional and non-admiring way.

He said: “I wanted to give something back to the nurses and doctors. But it’s beginning to smell like Dairylea, and the swelling should have gone down by now. Maybe we should have used proper ink.

“If the blood gets any lumpier I’m going to hospital. Hopefully the nurses will still appreciate my tribute and see it as a nice distraction from the coronavirus, rather than treating me like a twat who’s given himself blood poisoning.

“Am I seeing things or has the ‘S’ turned itself the right way around?”

Doctor Helen Archer said: “What a lovely sentiment on the young man’s arm. I hope we can save it.”