Disappointment for millions who had booked holidays in Leicester

MILLIONS of holidaymakers who had booked breaks in Leicester will be staying at home as the summer hotspot faces extended lockdown.

The UK’s most popular holiday destination is usually thronged with visitors meandering through its chain stores and municipal parks at this time of year, but instead broken-hearted tourists will be trapped at home in St Ives, Windermere and the Isle of Wight.

Wayne Hayes of Whitby said: “I’ve been to New York, Paris and Tokyo, but Leicester has always been number one on my bucket list. Devastated is an understatement.

“Last year, as I watched the sun set behind the Great Pyramid in Cairo I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret I wasn’t browsing Leicester’s famous Haymarket Shopping Centre instead. I guess some dreams aren’t meant to come true.”

Resident Nikki Hollis agreed: “Leicester’s got it all, from Europe’s largest covered market to the birthplace of Daniel Lambert, once Britain’s fattest man. They flock here from all over the world.

“The Japanese often book three weeks and make it the trip of a lifetime by taking in Loughborough as well, just a short train journey away.

“Now they’ll have to settle for somewhere like Fiji or Kenya or the Norwegian fjords instead, which are right shitholes in comparison.”

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'If you imagine there is a woman beneath me, and I go up and down' explains Johnson

BORIS Johnson has demonstrated his legendary lovemaking technique to Mail readers who could not adore him more. 

The prime minister lay prone and raised himself up and down repeatedly to show the Mail on Sunday exactly how he has managed to father so many children.

He continued: “So if you imagine the lady is lying here, on the historic Downing Street carpet, and I’ve pulled down my trousers to just below the buttock.

“She will lie still or move about a bit or do whatever she wants, that doesn’t concern me, and I will simply repeat this motion until I’m finished.

“That can take as many as 50 times, if it’s my second or third mistress of the day, or it can be efficiently over and done in just a few pushes and I can move onto the next thing.

“The key is to keep in regular practice. No slacking off. If you’ve not done your thrusts for that day, then find a woman, take the time and get them done.”

Johnson then challenged Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer to a ‘six-bird shag-off’, adding that he doubted he was man enough to accept.