Medical schools forgot to include dementia, admits BMA

THE British Medical Association has admitted that doctors have not been trained in ‘brain stuff’.

The BMA said GPs needed to be paid £55 every time they diagnosed dementia so they could pay for some training about what dementia actually is.

Dr Martin Bishop, the BMA’s director of golf, said: “Deciding what goes into a medical degree is very complicated, a bit like the human pancreas.

“I guess we just forgot to include stuff about the brain. That sounds like it might be a symptom of dementia, but I’ve really no idea.”

He added: “The great thing is that each diagnosis will be better than the last one, because the GP will have had another £55 worth of dementia training.

“It’s what we doctors call a ‘virtuous circle’.”


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Hard kids get their own soft play centre

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.

The Lil’ Bruisers facility has a cricket ball pit, punching wall and ‘Fight Island’, a dedicated fighting area with large throwable stones.

A spokesman said: “It’s an aggressive wonderland where tiny psychopaths can punch each other as hard as they like without risk of being disciplined. In fact we only punish the weak.

“This is the play equivalent of a hard pub. When you enter, it all goes silent and the kids stare at you, sizing you up.

“Children must be under 10 and have no morals.”

Mother Mary Fisher said: “My nine-year-old is a swirling vortex of hate and he loves the scary tribal atmosphere here. It’s a great outlet for his evil urges and since I started bringing him the cat disappearances on our street have totally stopped.”