Couple spend so much on improvements it would have been cheaper to buy a new house

A COUPLE have opted to spend tens of thousands of pounds on home improvements instead of just buying a new f**king house. 

Sophie and Martin Bishop have spent around £200,000 completely transforming their three-bed semi into a three-bed semi that is a bit more trendy. 

Neighbour Tom Booker said: “We’ve had to put up with bloody annoying building work for more than a year while they replaced every single part of the house.  

“They could have bought two houses for the money they’ve spent on it. Or they could have taken all the new bricks, doors and windows and just built a new house with them.” 

Sophie said: “As soon as we saw this place we knew it was our dream house. Well, it would be once we’d ripped everything out and made it totally unrecognisable.

“We’re horribly in debt and it’s been 18 months of stress, but it’s worth it to have slightly differently shaped sinks.”

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Five not-at-all racist or sexist reasons why gammons can't stand Alex Scott

WITH former England footballer and TV presenter Alex Scott set to take over from Sue Barker on A Question Of Sport, our panel of gammons explain why she’s the wrong choice.

She won’t know enough about our national heritage

There’s an obvious reason why Scott won’t understand Britain’s culture – she’s too young. At a mere 35 years old she’s probably never heard of the 1966 World Cup. And does she know all four verses of the National Anthem? I bet Sue does.

She’s got a man’s name. What’s that about?

That’s just going to confuse viewers. In sport, you’ve got Alex ‘Hurricane’ Higgins, Alex Ferguson – and now a woman called Alex? How am I supposed to explain that to my four-year-old boy?

Suppose she gets pregnant? 

What if she suddenly goes off on indefinite paid maternity leave, like women do these days? I can’t believe the BBC would take such an irresponsible risk with an important programme like A Question of Sport. And who do you get then? The boxer Nicola Adams? Then we’re back to square one.

She’s not tall enough

She’s 5’4”. Sue Barker stood all of 5’5”, a commanding presence on TV. At 5’4” you’ll only be able to see the top of Scott’s head over the desk. I don’t pay my licence fee for that.

She’s called Scott, which is a slap in the face to every Englishman

Some of us haven’t forgotten the Battle of Bannockburn. Sure, it could be worse, she could be called ‘Alex German’ or ‘Alex Immigrant’, but it’s bad enough.