A MAN thoughtfully chosen as a stand-in parent is confident it is all a totally meaningless gesture.
Nathan Muir, 34, is blissfully unaware that his old school friend Pete and his partner Emma are expecting him to share the joys and chores of parenthood for a kid that is not his.
Muir said: “As a decent friend, I obviously agreed to this nice silly thing you have to do once in your life, like try sushi or go to a Butlin’s.
“When I looked up what it entails, all that ‘lifelong mentor’ bollocks, I had to laugh. You turn up when they’re tiny and can’t remember anything, then use the trustworthy godfather shtick to pull girls on Hinge. That’s it, isn’t it?
“I’ve been threatened with being called a ‘non-familial uncle’. But relatives actually care about the sprog and don’t just get them a joke gift for being born and forget about it. The most I can provide in the way of ‘spiritual guidance’ is quoting Yoda.
“In a best-case scenario, in about 15 years the kid will ask who the hell I am when they see a photo of me with their mum. Not in a weird way, because I don’t fancy Emma.”
Muir’s friend Pete said: “It’s great that Nathan has agreed to be Lily’s godparent. We basically see him as a lifetime resource we can call on at any moment so we never have to pay for a babysitter or a birthday clown.”
