A MOTHER believes every present she has opened from her husband and children to be a covert critique on her personality and parenting.
Eleanor Shaw of Northampton has become steadily more offended with every thoughtful, loving gift she has received because she knows exactly what the giver really meant by that and it was not kind at all.
She said: “Bath bombs. That’s what I am to you, is it? A big fat blob floating in the bath. So all the work I’ve done putting this Christmas together meant nothing to you, did it?
“And I know exactly what you’re getting at with that box of Hotel Chocolat, Stephen. How hurtful. I’m booked on the Slimfast for New Year but you clearly don’t believe I can do it and this is your sly way of saying so.
“Earrings? Well that’s a humiliation because you all know I never have any occasion to get dressed up and wear earrings for. Because I’m just a fat chocolate-gruffling pig who stinks.”
Husband Stephen said: “Yeah, I think she might be reading too much into it. Last year I bought her novelty socks and she thought it was my way of saying she closely resembled Greg Davies from Taskmaster.
“She does this every year so she has an excuse to go off in a huff and get pissed on Prosecco upstairs.”
