By Martin Bishop, aged 35 and married but still hopeful of heart
BABE, I know you think romance is about candlelit dinners and poetry. But isn’t it also about giving each other gifts that are heartfelt and eternal?
Because a box of Ferrero Rocher lasts a day with you around, a bouquet of roses dies in a week and a card will end up in the recycling. But there’s one gift the flame of which will always burn bright: our first threesome.
You’re the one complaining we don’t have special evenings anymore. This would be time for ourselves like you want, and also time for someone else. Besides, it’s the thought that counts and I’ve been thinking about this for years.
And it’s not just for me. You’d also be invited to engage in a series of acrobatic sex acts while I watch. I will take pleasure in your pleasure, proving I’m unselfish.
Couples often find a menage a trois brings them closer together and not just because they’re sucking on the same nipples. Rather, it’s a display of how strong our love is. We’re not held back by envy or jealousy. Our love is freely given and there’s enough to share.
You say I make no effort. But, I ever trying, have been mulling over the desired characteristics of our third party and written them up in Notes. And I read up on the best dating apps for that sort of thing. In this area I’m proactive.
It could get awkward and I don’t just mean balancing mid-thrust. She may develop affection for me. But isn’t love about navigating tricky situations together and emerging closer than ever? Wouldn’t that be the kind of test we need?
And it costs nothing. This is why they say men are so hard to buy for, because all our ideal gifts are free. Let’s ditch hackneyed materialism this year and give each other a gift only true lovers can. Here’s her Insta and her number’s in my phone.
