Relationships

ALL of the hopes and ambitions on a 29-year-old man’s bucket list are debauched sexual acts, it has emerged.

A MAN in a long-term relationship has no idea that his girlfriend is locked in unending secret war with all his previous partners.

MOST couples who live in massive houses with multiple reception rooms and a large garden  f**king hate each other, a new study has shown.

A WOMAN is furious that the man who was unkempt and slovenly when they were going out has got his shit together and looks good again.

A MAN suggesting a threesome to his girlfriend obviously means the good type that caters to his sordid fantasies, he has explained.

AN unattractive man confidently makes judgements about gorgeous women as if he might have a chance of sleeping with them, it has emerged.

YOUNGSTERS are learning disturbing sexual practices from online porn, according to the Children’s Commissioner for England. Here are some it’s never crossed your mind to try.

NOBODY can lie forever, but new relationships are delicate. Follow this timetable to gently introduce your new love to the real, disgusting you.

‘HEY! Had a good Coronation?’ You don’t care. You just want to know if they’re still with that knobhead. These are the weak excuses you’ll use for contact out of the blue.

A COUPLE know that they will always be faithful to one another because neither can be arsed having an affair.