Relationships

STILL on the shelf while George Osborne, of all the wankers, is happily married? Lie to yourself that this doesn’t reflect badly on you.

WANT to undermine someone’s self-worth, while still sounding like a nice person? Try these phrases.

A MUM with a vivid imagination has invested so much time in her fantasy offspring that she now prefers them to her actual ones.  

A MAN is relieved that the argument he is having with his girlfriend over WhatsApp is not being peer-reviewed in another group chat.

A PAIR of male friends making up for not being in touch for several years have not divulged any personal information, it has emerged.

A MAN is wondering how long he should wait after sex before telling a woman he does not feel a romantic attraction. 

MARRIED couples have confirmed that they feel no envy whatsoever of their single friends’ so-called dating adventures.

A DISAPPOINTED man with a fading erection has begun listing all the positives of their maintaining a platonic friendship.

THERE’S nothing guaranteed to complicate your sex life more than a weekend with your partner’s mum and dad. Here’s how to navigate this social and sexual minefield.

A MAN is secretly hoping that a tearful, consoling hug with a female friends develops into something more.